We’ve been a little quiet over here so I thought I would touch base about where we are in the process right now and where our hearts are. Today marks four months since our homestudy was approved. Yes, FOUR! We can hardly believe it ourselves and we are thankful this waiting period has gone by quickly so far. I was afraid it was going to be slow and agonizing but the Lord has kept our hearts at peace while we wait, and our lives have been busy so that has helped!
After losing my job in October, I was sick for an entire month. So when I say we’ve “been busy”, one of the things I’ve been busy with is being sick and getting over that sickness! I’ve never been sick for that long in my life. I think it was due to all of the stress my body was dealing with, knowing we would be a one income family and worried about waiting for baby and the thoughts of “how are we going to save now?”, with one job between the two of us. My body had been running on adrenaline for so long after I developed anxiety a little over a year ago, that once I was able to “rest”, my body shut down. Not kidding…the Monday after losing my job the Friday before, I woke up sick. I tried to let my body rest when I could but I also knew I needed to work on projects for our Etsy shop and I think this caused me to be even more anxious. I pushed through the Thanksgiving season, and pumped myself full of Vitamin C as we hosted Thanksgiving for the second time in our new home. It was a success(!) and we loved every minute with our family. I was nearing the end of being sick, so we still went and picked out our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving, per our tradition. At the end of four weeks, I finally was over my cough & cold but then the anxiety kicked back in, in full swing.
It’s going to be a daily process of literally casting my cares to The Lord and surrendering this anxiety to Him. If you’ve ever dealt with anxiety, you know how incapacitating it can be. When it onsets, it’s usually after stressful situations, not during, so your body is dealing with the aftermath of your previous stressful situation at a time when you may not be stressed. Or, if you’re like me, it comes in waves day to day. Even now, just typing about it, I’m overcome with anxiety. My chest is heavy and I have to tell myself to take deep breaths and pray. I’m learning to pray for myself in it. It’s hard for me to remember to pray for myself, but when I do, I see God answer.
So it’s safe to say the last couple of months have not been what I thought they would be. I thought I would dive into my hobbies and find new creativity (I have at times), and that I would experience fresh joy right away. Even though it hasn’t been that way, that’s okay. God is still here. He is still the same. He still has me in the palm of His hand. And as Chris Tomlin sings from my speakers now, “As you call me deeper still into love, love, love. You’re a good, good Father. It’s who you are and I am loved by You.” God’s love hasn’t changed and that brings me more peace than anything else ever could.
I’m thankful for this current season of teaching myself to slow down and rest as He prepares my heart to be a momma. To learn how to pray away this anxiety that wears on me and allow Him to heal me of it. God has the perfect time picked out for us to be matched with our child. He has the perfect child picked out for our family. And as we wait, we wait also in anticipation for Jesus. This Christmas season as we celebrate the coming King, our hope is in the only One who can take away all anxieties as we cast our cares onto Him because He cares for us. We choose to give thanks even in the midst of anxieties and unknowns, because we believe in His sovereignty.
These verses have brought me so much comfort and I hope they do for you too :
Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
THANKSGIVING 2018 WITH THE FAM :
Complete with a charcuterie board :
We found the most perfect tree!
Love this tradition we share year after year.
“Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. ” – Psalm 118 :1
